Head-injury, or Habitually Hayley?

I love nursing. Sometimes we cover topics where the symptoms so resinate how we feel at the time that it's pretty funny. Here's a slide from this morning's lecture:
Clinical Manifestations by Severity:
Mild Head Injury (like a concussion)

• Low grade headache that will not go away
• Slowness in thinking, acting, speaking or reading
• Memory Problems
• Loss of Balance, unsteady gait (the way you walk)
• Difficulty Concentrating
• Lethargy
• Increased sensitivity to lightsm sounds, distractions
• Easily Irritated
• Lack of motivation

Just ask Nurse Dani... try to think of a morning lecture where i'm not displaying at least 8 of the 10 above symptoms! Now of course i'm over exaggerating, and i love class and i'm really not that irritable in the morning, (though the difficulty concentrating and the lack of motivation ring true more often than not). I guess it's just moments like this when i remember that my patients are not all that different from me! This is where my ability to empathize really shines, and i can do for my patient what i'd want done for me!

Typical treatment: a warm blanket, the lights turned down low, and some peace and quiet for awhile.

Honestly

I value honesty. I think this is one of the top things value in my friends (Other than their devastating good looks!). Really, looking back, the only times my friendships falter is when one of us isn't being honest with the other. I tend to get really annoyed when people hide things from me, because to me it feels like they don't think i can handle whatever it is their hiding, and i guess i take that personally. And i mean, of course i know i don't need to know everything that's going on in your life, and i hope i don't come off as snoopy. I don't think i pry people for information, and i think i've curbed my gossiping in recent years (though nursing is rather notorious for it). It's just, if you're intentionally hiding something from me that you think will hurt me, let me be the first to tell you this: i'll probably get over what you're hiding faster than the fact that you're hiding it.
I'm just tired of people trying to protect me, best intentions aside. Like when Shandell was afraid how i'd react when i found out she was moving...it was only 3 blocks away! Granted, that was years ago, and it's a poor example. There are more, but i'd rather not dredge up the past.
I'm on my way to being a nurse. In fact, in roughly 20 months time, i will actually BE an RN! Do you have any idea what i will face then? Life, death, and everything in between. People on the worst days of their lives. I face that now in the ICU, but as an RN i will be directly responsible for that patient's care, or if current health care trends persist, the direct care of 14 patients.
I can handle their life changes and challenges, what makes you think i can't handle yours?

Edit: The tendency to shelter me from things is now called the Flower Syndrome. It has afflicted many of my friends at one time or another, unfortunately i am the one that typically pays. Flower Syndrome involves treating me so delicately that we grow so distant that i come to know you only on a superficial level. In acute cases, it involves lying to me to cover up what you don't want me to know. The only cure for it is honesty. Happily, the recovery rate is very fast, and i'm happy to report that there is a 99% chance of a full recovery. However, without proper treatment and attention, the friendship in question may disintegrate beyond recognition.
You CAN stop the spread of Flower Syndrome!

First Fruits

So...remember last night's post? (I know at least Cyler does)
I've been trying something new lately. We talked in Church about First Fruits. In the Old Testament, when God helped bring down Jericho (ok, realistically He did ALL of the work), God commanded that the first place the Isrealites came to be reserved for Him only. You must understand, the Isrealites had just wandered the desert for over 40 years by this point, and they were really looking for a home. And the first place they came to was this beautiful paradise, an Oasis in the middle of the desert where they could have easily settled. But God said "No. This place is mine. I brought you through this, and now as a symbol to me, you're going to give me the first and best. It's a step of faith, you need to trust that I have another place for you, and that I will continue to provide for you."
This practice was familiar to the Isrealites, they practiced a sacrifice at harvest time where they gave God 10% off the top, the very first and best of the harvest. We talked in Church about how best we can apply this to our lives. I'm honestly an evening person, i like to reflect on things at the end of the day. I'm groggy at best when i first wake up. But I decided that every night i would read over a passage of scripture, then write it out in bright ink at the top of the next journal page. Then in the morning, i would wake up, push the alarm button which i had set 15 critial minutes earlier than necessary, roll over and copy out the selected passage. This forces me to stay awake and think about what i'm writing. And it's been amazing so far. Starts my day off right. Completely worth it.
You know what happened next. 4 day shifts at work, meaning that 15 minutes earlier was too early for me. So i stopped the habit. For about a week. I had a passage of scripture at the top of a fresh page, waiting for me every morning. And last night i wrote that blog about transparency. This morning, my first sleep-in day in over 2 weeks, and i can't sleep. (which most of you know is almost NEVER a problem for me!)
So i cracked open my Bible and Journal, and this is what had awaited me for a week:
"You don't get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It's who you are, not what you say or do, that counts.
Your true being brims over into true words and deeds".
Luke 6:43-45
The answer was waiting for me all along.

Transparency and Tithing

Alot of people think of transparency as a bad thing. Like in a certain episode of Scrubs, Elliot feels invisible to Dr. Cox, when all she craves is to be treated like a colleague (Season 2, My Big Mouth). In the next epidsode, she gets a rather sketchy reputation, and while she's at first upset about her new label, she becomes content with the fact that at least she's not invisible anymore (My New Coat). My personal favorite line: "Elliot Reid: SLUT"

Really, i don't think transparency is such a bad thing. I guess i don't get ignored very often, and i'm really talking about a different kind of transparency. I love hanging out with people i can be transparent with. I don't have to worry about putting on a happy face, or an intellectual facade. I love having close friends who can honestly see right through me, right down to where my heart is, or where my intentions lie. Like when i talk with Shandell, and we know without saying that we're in nursing for more than the money or the career. Or when i talk with Melissa about kids, and how special they are and how fun they are to work with. Or when Ryan and i discuss what's going on in our Churches or in our relationships. Or when i talk to Andrea and Barbara and Sharon and Cyler about going to Africa. I don't have to be afraid of what they think, i know they're not going to mock my dreams. I know they might even share in them. If i'm having a bad day, i can be transparent around these people, and i can let it show. Its so much easier to be real around you. (The preceeding list was not exclusive, i'm ridiculously blessed to have many MANY friends i can be real with.)

But i want to be transparent to the world too. I wish that when i do something for the right reasons, people could see that i'm doing it for God. I wish they could see that i'm motivated by serving Christ, not myself. I want people to see my heart, and to know that its been changed. Of course, being transparent would make it easier because i wouldn't have to say anything about my faith. And it would be harder if people could see my heart 24/7, because when i sin, they'd see it as a poor reflection of Christ. Accountability to the extreme. The beautiful part is the emphasis of grace. How we react to things, how we extend God's grace upon us to others, that's crucial. Actions reflect where the heart reflect. So maybe i can just trust that my actions will reflect where my heart is.

Oh, and a Sobering fact for the day for all of you: The Power of Giving
"If Christians had given the traditional 10 percent of their income to their churches in 2004, instead of the 2.56 percent that they actually gave, there would have been an additional $164 BILLION available, according to a report released in October called "The State of Church giving through 2004". If the churches chose to funnel just $70-$80 billion of that additional income to missions and humanitarian works, the basic needs of every person on the globe would be provided."

It's weird, we're mostly adults now. I'm turning 20 in January, and i have my own income now. I can't just fish into my piggy bank once a week and pull out a couple of bucks to sacrifice from my candy money. I remember Donald Miller addressed this topic at the end of Blue Like Jazz, and to be honest, its been bugging me ever since i read it. This little tidbit bugs me even more. I figured i shouldn't be alone in my frustration, so i decided to let you'all in on it. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

Goo Goo Doll'd and Flat Tired

it's been an eventful few days! I got to drive through a blizzard to pick up Barbara from the airport, and then drive us through the skating rink that was Calgary to the Goo Goo Dolls concert! It was at the Jack Singer, so the sound quality was AMAZING! My only beef was that they didn't play "Here is Gone" or "Big Machine", but they did play alot of my favorites, and alot from their new album, Let Love In. Kevin also came into town for the big event, and Marisa joined us at the concert hall. It was a very emotional concert, though made more lighthearted by the two high kids in the front row. John Rzeznik brought them munchies, and asked if they woudl share their brownies, it was really funny.
Last night was my first hands on practical at the New Childrens Hospital. It's beautiful. And i love it. I love kids. The only drawback was that getting home was a gong-show for me and Dani. We hitched a ride with a fellow student nurse to the Foothills where my car was parked, after i used my indigo-chapters card to scrap off her windshield, sans gloves. It was a very chilly evening, and we were very thankful once we got to the hot red car. She made some funny noises as we drove out, but i thought it was just her warming up. But when she began to radically vibrate going up Shaganappi, i was forced to pull over where? Back at the new Children's hospital. Fortunately, it was only a flat tire, no rim damage to my knowledge, and the AMA guy was actually there within 20 minutes!
I'm actually thankful for the timing of this flat tire. It could have blown in the blizzard on Wednesday, leaving Barbara stranded at the airport and me without a cell phone and with a probable 5 hour wait for a tow truck during a blizzarding rush-hour. Or it could have blown on our way to the Goo Goo Dolls concert, on some icy street. Or it could have blown on our way to clinical, making us late for our first day. So really, good timing on the hott red car's part! All ended well, with Dani and i even making it home in time for the 11pm episode of ER!

Jarid - sized - void

So Jarid leaves today for New Zealand. Here's some background on my friend Jarid. We worked at the theater together in grade 12, and really hit it off when our respective best friends started dating. 3 years of climbing, movies, Scrubs and Peters drive-in milkshakes later, Jarid's leaving Calgary for a 6 month rowing adventure in Nelson, New Zealand. I wish him the best of luck!

Jarid helped get me through the first two years of nursing. He let me practice blood pressures and health assessment on him, and i'm really going to miss him this year when we start IV's! (Jarid has huge veins that you could hit with a dart from across the room, its AWESOME.) He let me vent at the end of a clinical day, and offered me a tequila sunrise after every health assessment class. With his adorable 4 year old cousin, i made an ugly Easter egg for him. We share an admiration of the Phantom of the Opera, Scrubs, Boondock Saints, and LOST. My mom's little Filipino friends are constantly in awe of his height. He's even enjoyed a good relationship with my typically uber protective father. I teased Jarid this week that i'm predisposed to enjoying pediatric clinical because i've been taking care of him for the past 3 years, and i'm used to looking after helpless things! But in reality, Jarid isn't helpless, though i do think this trip will test him. I'll most definitely miss him.

I'm open to anyone coming over to watch Scrubs, but you must know you can never fill the "Jarid-sized-void" in my life...that void is 6 foot 5.

Horrifying Halloween Haikus

Clearly i have too much time on my hands. Or not enough, considering there was no time to post these last night. Maybe all who read this will still feel their "Halloween Hangovers", ie: post-candy binge regrets.

High glucose intake,
hyperglycemia, yeah.
I love Halloween.

Sexy Nurse classmate,
great costume, scrubs and white cap.
Surprize! It's a guy!

Snow White reappears,
still waiting for Prince Charming,
avoiding apples.

Work in I.C.U.
with a very real fear of ghosts
pale patients soon gone.

Sugar high nurses,
there's a zombie in bed 2.
Grab the narcan, Run!

the phantom call bell,
three times does it resonate,
then silence, and peace.

Not the deepest poetry, i know. But i hope you enjoyed!