Thrilling Insanity

Well that was fun.
Yesterday i got called at 9pm to work from 1-11pm in ICU. I knew they were getting a new computer system installed (SCM, affectionately aka as SCUM), so i went in and did my best to help them prepare. We ended up having a pretty good night. I went back in today for a Noon-Midnight shift, when various programs would go down and new ones would be activated. The orders for the 3 inch-thick charts for each ICU patient needed to be re-entered in the new system, which took 6 doctors and 6 Nurses 3.5 hours to complete. Paper was everywhere, lab results and diagnostic imaging requisitions were flying everywhere, there were probably 60 people running around the rather small ICU... keep in mind that we're also trying to transfer patients out and receive more critically ill patients. The adrenaline kept me rushing until around 10pm tonite, and without a little Timmy Ho's i wouldn't have made it. I felt like a hero, because i'm good at computers and could troubleshoot most of our issues with a little playing with the new programs. It's nice, we're going from a DOT MATRIX to a Windows based program...hallelujah!

So i'm driving home, rather exhausted and gloomy over the fact that i might need to go back in tomorrow, and stressing about how behind i am in school already (i know, three weeks in). I'm driving east down John Laurie, and i'm sitting first at the red light, waiting to cross Sarcee. There's very few other cars on the road, but there's this old, white, obnoxiously loud quasi-beater of a pick-up truck beside me, revving their engine, stoked to go as SOON as the light turns green. You must understand, i'm sitting in my dad's Grand Am GT. The light goes green. I accelerate. [I don't normally race like this, i'm not an exceptionally gutsy driver, but i was listening to "Dondet (For the River People) by Ari, and the mood just hit me right].
I totally beat them off the light, and the rest of the way to Hawkwood, the lights are flashing yellow. The white pick-up tries valiantly to catch me, and i need to slow slightly for a car. As they come up beside me, I peek, slightly anxious, bracing myself for a glare or a jeer or some obnoxious hand gesture.

Instead, a guy in his mid 20's is leaning out the passenger window with the biggest...

most genuine,

smile on his face, flashing me a thumbs up. He's just grinning a mile wide, and waving, until he needed to go back in so the truck could turn. For some reason, this smile just transposed itself right onto me, and the whole incident just made me smile right up to this moment. And now i'm going to bed, my outlook on the week uplifted by a high-speed grin.

Sunday, Busy Sunday.

We had a really good speaker on Sunday. I wish i had been able to stay and chat with him, but i had to work at noon, and Church ended @ 1145. Case in point.
The speaker even touched on this subject, about keeping the Sabbath holy. He came from an h-core Presbyterian Methodist upbringing, where they didn't do ANYTHING on Sundays. His mom wouldn't peel potatoes. He could've fired a cannon down Main Street and not hit anyone. It sometimes became a little legalistic, with rules like "You can float, but not swim, you can snooze, but no sleeping..." things like that. It's pretty clear that we as a society have gone in the polar opposite direction.

Check out this article: http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=97e94314-789b-4f7e-b503-ff7db421894d&k=0

Albertans are clearly hard workers, and of course i'm not knocking hard workers! But at what cost? A Sunday on Crowchild Trail is scarecly different from any other day. There are fewer things you can't do on Sundays that could get done some other time during the week. For me as a student, Sundays are one of the few opportunities for me to work, and i've agreed to work alot over the past year. I used to prioritize Sundays, i remember working at the theater, saying i couldn't open on Sundays when everyone else could. My Church is held in this same theater, so i hope it spoke to some of them that that was how seriously i take my faith. But this year, you've probably heard me complaining "oh, i didn't get a weekend this week"... THIS ISN'T HEALTHY! Nor should it be a source of pride for me.

This phrase hit me so deeply: When was the last time you allowed enough silence to hear your own heart beat? I am SO guilty of this! First thing when i wake up: music. I use the SLEEP button to ensure that i need not go without music during my conciousness. (though i discovered that if i listen to music while i sleep, i dream VERY strange music videos for them...) You know when you're in a large group, and a question is asked? or even a small group? The average length of silence a person can stand is 8 seconds. In nursing, we were taught to grit through the silence, and the importance of listening was impressed upon us. (The Therapeutic Use of Silence Lecture). I always thought i was a good listener, but 8 seconds?! That's way too awkward! That's another flaw we have in Western Christianity...we're uncomfortable with silence, both from God and with others. We'd rather research the solution and have it schematically diagrammed for us... better yet, put the solution in a flow chart! A tree diagram! Let's map out our paradigm!

I wonder what a vow of silence would be like. Could i "not speak" for an entire day? that would probably be unsafe in nursing. Could i go a day without music? Did you know that if you sit, crosslegged, on the floor, with your back straight and your shoulders relaxed, the force of your heart beating against your left ventricle is strong enough to rock your body forward? Try it!

See, this is why prayer is so important...it's not just about your alone time with God, though that's the main motivation...it's alone time with yourself too. Or your silence time. The time to just breathe deep and let the tension flow out of you. That's a reason i like yoga, though skill wise, i wish the whole class were spent resting on the floor. You know we're a busy society when you need to PAY to relax. And this subsequently mean that the poor cannot afford to relax.

In conclusion, it's about more than creating rules for the Sabbath and adhering to them strictly ... go past that and see the purpose; the Sabbath as a true day of rest. Fellowship with others. Time to just take a deep breath, and figure out where you are on your journey. Don't forget to look to the side, to see where your fellow travellers are too! Do me a favor, really go and be alone...sit on your floor, and feel the power of your heart move you. Literally.

[Scrubs] + Hayley

This isn't new news. Everyone knows i love Scrubs. I possibly border on obsession with the show. Sometimes i wish i were a part of it (see above picture!) I liked it when it first came out, but admittedly didn't follow it until Jarid downloaded Seasons 1-5 on his laptop. We watched Scrubs together every given opportunity for months! I ended up buying Seasons 1-4, and you can typically find a Scrubs DVD in at least one of the players in our house. I watched Scrubs with Sharon, Melissa and Trevor for probably 4 of the precious 24 hours I spent with them in Edmonton. Scrubs made an appearance at my Christmas party this year. Jarid and i still keep in touch by sending eachother "Scrubs trivia" we thought up, ie: "What is the name of Turk and Carla's family doctor, the one makes all of his patients take off their pants, even for ear infections". I can make Scrubs references in almost any context. Dani and Dianna have now hilariously adopted the action "tap that". Me and Shandell spent an evening watching season 4 and drooling over the Colin Farrell guest appearance.

Scrubs is also my refuge. After a hard day at clinical or when something's bothering me, i turn to just a few episodes, for comic relief. My whole family loves the show, and we each got "[Scrubs] scrubs" for Christmas, ordered from the NBC online store. I've made my own [Scrubs] CD's, which prompted the re-glorification of the song "A little Respect" by Erasure. Colin Hay holds a place near my heart for "Waiting for my Real Life to begin" and "Overkill". I also know all the words to "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. And my little brother and i have learned "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey on the piano. And i nearly had a Triple A when [Scrubs] was used in a nursing class last semester.

I love this show. Cyler once said that whenever i talk about work, he imagines me in an episode of Scrubs. I know you could write it off as an unrealistic, romanticized portrayal of life in a hospital with poor CPR technique, but i don't care. Scrubs makes up for the overdose of realism i get in the ICU and the lack of romance in the OR. Sometimes at the end of a particularly exhausting day, i need to be reminded:

"I can't do this all on my own; i'm no Superman!"

Hayley the Healing Idealist and the Law of Easy Rescue

Wow…best title ever eh? I’ve been inspired by my new classes. In community nursing, we all had to take a personality test. I’m a healing idealist; to which Andrea responded “uh…yeah…tell me something I don’t know.”

Here’s a taste of what this test “revealed about me”

“Idealist types search for their unique identity, hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, wish for a little romance each day, trust their intuitive feelings implicitly, aspire for profundity.”

Regarding the Healer aspect:
“Healers present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and they care deeply, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.”

Oh, and they also feel passionately about ethics, which is good, because I’m in a bioethics course this semester, and I’m loving it! Today we learned about The Law of Easy Rescue. Here is how it works:

IF:
Person A is in need (need) and
if Person B is nearby (Propinquity) and
if Person B can help Person A (Capacity) and
if Person B doesn’t help A, no one else will (Last Resort) and
if Person A is capable of consenting (Consent) and
if the condition is easy, and helping Person A does not endanger Person B…

Then Person B has a duty to help Person A.

You follow?

Allow me to illustrate more colorfully. I drive up to visit Andrea in Saskatoon tomorrow. As I drive along, I find Andrea shivering in a snowbank wearing nothing but a onesie set of pajamas covered in penguins.

Andrea (Person A, haha), is in need, it is currently -40 and no one else is around. [Need]. I am Person B, and I am close by [Propinquity].I am driving my dad’s toasty warm Grand Am GT, and I can help Andrea by taking her into my car [Capacity]. No one else is around, they’re all inside drinking, so if I don’t help her, no one will [Last Resort]. Andrea is still capable of consenting: “I likes a warm car!”. Opening my car to Andrea does not endanger me, therefore, it is my duty to help Andrea!

Now, most would say “of course you should help Andrea!!”. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t stop and process each of these steps this logically. This is just a framework, a foundation that some dude came up with. But I learned a really cool word: Supererogatory.

Supererogatory means that if an act goes above and beyond what we could ask for, the act is not a duty or an obligation, and it is admirable. Personally, I feel like what Christ did on the Cross was Supererogatory. Let’s go through it, person A being us, Person B being Jesus (I hope this doesn’t mean I’m putting him second).

Person A (us) was in need [very much!]
Jesus is nearby (well, everywhere…though He did have to come down to us)
Jesus can help. (yes, though by incredible self-sacrifice)
If Jesus doesn’t help, no one will (by being perfect, He’s pretty much exclusively qualified)
We are capable of consenting (though only while we’re on earth.)
Easy condition: NO. Jesus was mortally endangered to help us out. He died for us.

His death on the Cross for us was not a duty. He did it for Love. That’s not a factor in this equation. We were not an Easy Rescue.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

Indeed, i had a very good birthay!
It started the night before, when i watched Charlotte's Web with Melissa, Shandell, Trevor and Cyler. GREAT MOVIE! Loved it, though got really nostalgic about the old one that me and Melissa watched annually on my beta machine. Then we went back to my house and had a GREAT time playing Scattegories and X-treme Connect 4! Shandell and i were laughing so hard by the end of it, but i had to shoo everyone away so i could get some sleep. I went to bed grinning, it was the best start to a birthday i've ever had!

I had to work 7am-3pm on my birthday, but everyone there treated me like gold, and made me feel really special. An anaesthetist bought me coffee, and a friend bought me breakfast. Then i zipped home and chatted with Jarid, way off in New Zealand! Then Shandell picked me up and we headed for Moose McGuire's! People gathered, and the games begun! The Flames put on a good show, and the WON 4-2 against Dallas without my beloved Iginla! But by the third period, i would've been happy no matter the outcome...allow me to explain why:
There were about 12 girls at my party, and we were seated nicely close to the bar. The bartender was VERY cute, so the girls thought they would talk to him about what drinks i should have! Here's how my night played out...

7:15 - Root Beer Paralyzer
7:45 - Strawberry Margarita
8:00 - Shot: Cowboy cock-sucker
8:05 - Birthday Shot: Muff Dive drizzled with grenadine
8:10 - Liquid Cocaine shot
8:15 - Rockstar shot (see the theme? Marisa got me "sex, drugs, and rock and roll!")
8:30 - Tequila with Shandell and Sharon
9:00 - Porn star shot from Jo
9:15 - (?) something and jagermiester shot
9:30 - (?) something and Rye shot
10:00 - Drop shot from ***Sharon***
CLEARLY a good night...my liver decided to be Irish that night, instead of Filipino, to which i am still grateful! I remember everything from the evening, and though i was VERY giddy and happy, i didn't make a fool of myself, and i managed to impress our waitress. TONS of fun, thank you to everyone who bought me drinks, and thanks to the Bartender for being very nice to me! I'm glad i was a source of fun and entertainment for all!

Shandell got me home safely, though we did a bit of streetracing with Sharon on our way home...and we watched Nacho Libre and Cabin Fever before a cozy sleepover in my basement. What a fantastic Birthday!

Now school and the New Year's Resolutions must begin!

Holiday fun

I'm nearing the end of a much needed break. ICU has only called me 4 times since Christmas, so most of my time has been devoted to hanging out with friends. I hung out with Ryan and took Andrea out for Sushi, and bowled with Marisa, Stacey, Andrea and Steve (i rock at 10-pin). Marisa took me to a Hitmen game, with awesome seats to witness a kind of brutal game which we lost. Whatever. I watched Anne of Green Gables and ate Tuna melts with Melissa. I went out for dessert with Barbara, where we had banana nutella crepes!! *so good!* and we hung out with Jason! I played Killer Bunnies with Trevor and Melissa, and Donkey Kong with Shandell. I went to dinner and a movie with Cyler, and tried some of his parents' blueberry tequila (best souvenier EVER!) I chatted with Jarid from the future, because he called from 2007 when i t was still 2006 here. OH, and had a killer hot tub party with Shandell, Sharon and Melissa. Seriously, i love the holidays, and hanging out with all these awesome people.

Hey, i turn 20 tomorrow. My last few hours with the -teen suffix. Unless i say "twenteen" and Shandell commented. Maybe i'll feel more mature...maybe now that i'm a "twenty-something", i'll stop missing the community i had in high school. I have amazing friendships, and we're less afraid of talking about the deep issues without a lesson plan. It's like how i felt in Converge...just a little too young to be taken seriously...still living with my parents, without a car or a laptop (though the latter is probably changing soon!) Yet i am taken seriously at work, and with my friends. I hope this new year means a new start for my Church...we really need new life breathed into us, and we need a leader, as much as we've tried so hard to run the show as a group. It's hard.

Hey, Andrea and i came up with a new term... Piddle Time. Allow me to elaborate:
Piddle time is the time between things like school and careers. It's when you're working outside of your career or calling to sustain yourself or to save up for future endeavors. Piddle time is almost always essential, either financially or emotionally, like when you just need time to figure out what you're doing, what your goals are. The way we thought of Piddle time was that it had to be more than, say, 4 months. I say this, because i have never had Piddle Time. I graduated from high school and went straight into nursing. I had the prospect of Piddle time, because i didn't get my acceptance letter until August 1st, and i started in September. After 1st year, i went camping over the weekend, went to clinical, than started a job @ the Foothills until my vacation to New York. Andrea and Ryan say that vacations are not Piddle time. So i came home, started working in the OR that week, started 2nd year nursing 2 weeks later, and worked and went to school simultaneously. After 2nd year, i took a spring course, went to California for a week, then started a 2nd job in the ICU. I've continued working 2 jobs for the past semester, and so far it's working out very well, because of the grace of both units and their understanding of my academic needs. I work more during holidays because that's when everyone else takes off. But i've never had any Piddle Time! I didn't travel like Shandell, Melissa, Ryan or Andrea, i'm saving that for later. Jarid's Piddling right now. Marisa and i determined that often, guys need more Piddle time than girls. There are times when a year off sounds appealing. I could make enough as a unit clerk. But i was chatting with an ICU doc a few days ago, and he asked me about my job...i said this is my part-time job to pay for nursing school. he said "ahhh, i understand now. I've noticed you're different than other unit clerks, you have a certain *gleam* in your eye. You care about what's going on in the unit, and you're eager to learn. That's very admirable of you."

That made my week. I have a gleam guys!! Not just a stunned, overwhelmed aura, a gleam!! haha!

One day i WILL have Piddle time! Probably in the form of maternity leave, 10 years from now. does that count guys? I'll probably have to take more than 4 months off, if hyperemisis gravidarum is hereditary. (Morning Sickness 24/7). Shandell will have to come give me IV fluids. It pays to have awesome friends.